[ daddy issues? ]

I'm not dating anyone and it doesn't even seem like it's in the cards right now, but pretty often, I think about what it would be like to be a father.

I get concerned about the things that I've learned in life. I wonder how that will translate over into the lives of children I may have. There are certain things that I imagine will change once a child is introduced into the world. I know that people are even more lost once that happens. There is already a lot of pressure filled thoughts running through my head, like: How can I change myself now, for the kid(s) I have later on? How would the attitude I have towards this (insert random topic) affect someone else?

I think a lot about how my dad might have done it. I'm confused a lot, cause I don't remember much of that. I hink I was mostly scared a lot of the time. That had to be a result of how he presented the rules in our house. Thoughts like these make me think about even the small things that I could do that would affect my child later on. Do I want to have them play sports? Do I introduce them to a love of music at an early age? If I let them watch tv too early, will it lead to them being addicted later?

What's really interesting is that I never thought that I even wanted children. I think it's one of those things though... It kinda sneaks up on you and blindsides you when you aren't expecting it. I think it's better tojust have the thoughts of things pop up, than to have a mistake happen. A lot of people from my high school class are now parents, which doesn't really surprise me, but it's interesting.

Guess I should really worry about that once that could become an actual possibility.

Silly me.

I'm out...

| this is how it starts... |

I shall begin with the obligatory: "Happy New Year!"

*ahem* now that I've gotten that out of the way...

Tonight was pretty cool. A bunch of people from Church and College circles got together at our friends' house a few blocks away from us. It's been very cool getting to be in such close community with people and beginning to share in people's great life memories.

So here's the scene:

It's nearing midnight, and people are beginning to file into the kitchen to retrieve a glass of their drink of choice for the big countdown. *t-minus 3 minutes and counting until the ball drops.*

people begin to file into the living room, where the tv is on, and all gaming activities have come to a halt. *t-minus 2 minutes and counting*

all the engaged couples are pairing up. *t-minus 1 minute and counting*

the dating couples are lookin' conspicuously at each other, and are gathering closely. *t-minus 30 seconds and counting*

What am I doing? I'm standing by the door and I'm waiting to see what is going to unfold, bursting with anticipation of the foreshadowed countdown, stirring excitement in the entire room. NAH! I'm at the door and all I can think about is the freakin' new year's kiss!

All I can think about is all the people who are with that significant other that they care for, and are ready to seal the new year's arrival with some celebratory pda.

This is how it begins... I begin to notice all the things that are happening with the couples around me, and I start to think about how I want to have some of that stuff for myself. This kind of thinking is dangerous, because it leads me to the thought that I am looking to be dating someone. It would seem, however, that I'm far from that being a reality. Something about the idea of me dating seems quite humorous to me.

So yeah. I'm thinking about the perfect person to share a kiss with on New Year's Eve. *T-minus 5 seconds*


HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Still pondering what I'm looking for exactly.

At least I'm thinking now! *positive points*

I'm out...